Finding Stability: A Journey of Perseverance, Faith, and New Beginnings

What does it take to overcome the darkest moments and transform your life, even when it feels like everything is falling apart?

Amidst the whirlwind of balancing three jobs, grappling with the weight of suicidal thoughts, and navigating the financial challenges of living in pricey Florida, I found a silver lining. Discover how the unwavering support of my mother and the crucial decision to seek mental health therapy steered me back on track towards securing my first apartment. This episode is an intimate glimpse into a transformative journey that highlights the importance of perseverance, even in the darkest times. Experience the emotional highs and lows of achieving a significant milestone and the profound realization that growth often stems from enduring great adversity.

Join me as I unpack the emotional rollercoaster of finding a stable living situation and the relief of overcoming the hurdles of income requirements. Through candid reflections, I share the critical role faith, family, and therapy played in fostering both financial independence and emotional stability. From the overwhelming fear of living alone to the ultimate pride in my accomplishments, this episode is a testament to the power of determination, prayer, and setting achievable goals. Whether you're seeking motivation or a reminder of the strength within, this episode offers a heartfelt perspective on changing one's situation and embracing a new chapter of life.

Transcript

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 0:07

Hello, my dear passengers, and welcome aboard the Self-Growth Train, a podcast that combines personal stories, opinions and research in order to better guide you through your self-growth journey. My name is Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco and I am your tour guide. First, I just want to say thank you for tuning back in for another episode of the podcast. My dear passengers, I know I have been on hiatus for a couple of months, but there's a reason for this and actually there's hints around you. If you look around my background, does anything look different? Yes, my room looks different, because, guess what, my dear passengers? I have my first apartment ever and this is my new room. This is where I will be recording my new podcast episodes. But this is the reason why I have been not doing the podcast for so long, because, in order for me to get this apartment, I had to get three jobs and I had to focus, and I had to sacrifice a lot of my time and a lot of my resources and just a lot of my passion, which is this podcast, in order to make this dream come true. And let me tell you as much as I have missed the podcast, it was so, so worth it and I am so proud and so happy and so blessed and so grateful for the opportunities that have come my way due to this pause in the podcast.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 1:34

So today's episode is going to be different because it is highly improvised. Okay, I realized that today is the last day of the year and it's also a Tuesday and I was like, okay, well, God is sending me a sign that I should do a last video of the year, right? So this video is going to be focused on the idea that you are supposed to be where you're at right now and that you shouldn't give up. Okay? So, as you guys know, the last episode that I posted was about my struggles with suicide ideation. Okay, if you haven't seen that video, I highly recommend that you see it, because one of the biggest feedbacks that I've gotten is that it was very raw, it was very honest, but also it made people feel not alone in that a lot of people have felt moments in their lives where they just want to give up and sometimes, when they want to give up, the only rational and I say this with you know parentheses rational idea is like well, if I want to give up then I shouldn't be here, right? And that's not true.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 2:35

I think that for a lot of us, there are going to be a lot of struggles, there is going to be a lot of pain, there is going to be a lot of suffering, but that doesn't necessarily mean that we should give up. That just means that we are being formed into something else. And I know that's kind of hard to see in the moment, especially if right now, you're going through that pain, you're going through that suffering, you're going through that struggle. It's going to kind of be hard to imagine. Oh, there's a purpose to all of this, right?

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 3:05

And I think that's why I want to do this episode, because getting this apartment was, yes, it was definitely a milestone in my life because, again, like six months ago, all I could see myself was dying like, and not necessarily wanting to die, but also not wanting to live right. So six months ago I was ready to give up on everything, like everything and anything. It didn't matter who was around me, who wasn't around me, I was just living in my pain, in my suffering, in my everyday struggle, and I didn't see a way out right, and if it hadn't been for my mom making the decision of telling me, literally, either you go to the hospital or I'm making you go to the hospital, I don't know where I would be today, okay, so that is very, very important for me to always mention, because I think that growing from the pain can be very scary, but what's even scarier is drowning in that pain, right? So today's episode I just want to use it as a reminder that everything that is happening to you, right this second, as bad as it is, you are going to get through it. You are going to get through it, and part of that is you making the decision to get through it. Part of that is you making the decision for yourself to say this is enough, I don't need any more of this, I want this to change. So I'm going to change it, and for me, that meant finding a goal that would take time, but that would be achievable, right?

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 4:55

So, for context, my mom and I had been living together since 2021, but she had already told me that next year she wasn't going to renew the lease. So in my head, I was like okay, so I need to figure out who can I talk to so we can get an apartment together, right? Because, like, apartments are super expensive, like I don't know about you guys, where you guys live or how much the apartments are where you guys live, but let me tell you, Florida is expensive and it doesn't matter where you're at, it is expensive. So I started thinking about it and I was like, well, there's my friend Lily, maybe I could move in with her. Maybe, both of us we had talked about it before about moving in with each other. Then I was like, well, if not, I can also move in with one of my friends who needs a roommate. If not, I can just try to find something on my own. But that's kind of crazy, because everything is expensive. Like, how am I going to find something on my own? Also, I don't have a job, so how am I even going to do any of this?

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 5:54

And that, my dear passenger, was when I sat down and I said, okay, if I need to find a place, whether it be on my own or with people or moving in with somebody else, I need a job. So what did I do? I went out and I sought a job and I got a job, but this job wouldn't start until a month later. So right now we are in July. Right, we're in July.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 6:17

And I'm like, well, in the meantime, my father is like, do you want to come to Puerto Rico? And I'm like, heck, yeah, because I mean Who doesn't want to come to Puerto Rico? Okay, like, first of all, it's my country, I love it. Second of all, beaches I love the beach. Third of all, my family. Of course I want to go to Puerto Rico. But also like I don't have money. And he was like don't worry about it, I'm going to pay for you to come. You're going to come for a week. We're going to figure it out, don't worry about it, just trust me.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 6:49

And I was like I'm 29 years old and I am depending on my father and my mother and this doesn't feel good and I feel like I'm such a failure. I feel like I'm not even an adult and the whole time, both of my parents are like shh, don't worry about it. This is the moment for us to step in and help you. Because that's the thing, my dear passenger. I struggle with asking for help. I struggle with accepting help, but what my parents did, and I am so grateful for both of them. What they did was they kind of took the choice away from me. They were like let me be honest, you're not at a point where you can say no to our help. Let me humble you down to the ground and make it clear that in order for you to move forward, you need me. This is a moment for you to depend on me, not forever, but for a second, for a space in time where I can help you start to build yourself back up so that way in the future, you can take care of yourself. And that was a very empowering choice that they made for me, because I didn't see it at the time, but I see it now, at the end.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 8:01

I didn't see it at the time that their help was necessary. I didn't see that the rest was necessary. I didn't see that the pause in my life was necessary. But now that I'm in the end, all of that had to happen the way it did. I had to depend on my father and my mother, I had to depend on my whole family and I needed to work on my mental health Without my health, whether it be physical, mental, emotional, psychological, physiological, whatever. You need health in order to move forward, and so that became my other focus. My focus was I need to get an apartment, so I need to get a job, but in order to get this job, I need to have health, and so that's what I focused on. I focused on starting to go to therapy every single week. I focused on taking my meds the way that I was supposed to, not missing or skipping any of them or telling myself I don't need them because I feel better. And it's like no, no, no, no, you do need them. They're helping you - take the meds. And yeah, I finally started the first job and things were going great. Things were going fantastic.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 9:16

And I'm like feeling great and I'm talking to my friend Lily and I'm like, hey, let's move in together. And then she's like, actually, I'm moving to Chicago and I'm like I'm so happy for you, but also I'm like, oh, my God, what am I going to do? And then in that moment, I was like wait, I'm going to have to find a place on my own. I'm going to have to find a place of my own, okay, okay, I got this. Let me go back to the apartment complex that I had gone to and they're like hey, we see, you have a job and you're making some money, but, um, the reality is you need to make three times the rent. Three times the rent?! With a salaried job that only pays me this amount of money. What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 10:11

So I start praying and I'm like God, God, what do I got to do? What do I got to do? And God tells me get a second job. And I'm like, okay, that's doable, I'll get a second job. So I get a second job. Things are going well and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm feeling good, health wise. I'm feeling good, job wise, because both of my jobs I love. I'm feeling good. Let me go back to that apartment complex. I go back to the apartment complex and they are like hey, you know, you're making a little bit more money. I gotta tell you, still not enough. What do I do now, god? What do I do? And I go back to praying. I'm like God, help me, help me. And he tells me get a third job. I'm like, you gotta be kidding me, bro Three jobs! You want me to get three jobs? Okay, I'm tired, but I'm gonna get three jobs. I get the three jobs.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 11:13

I'm loving each and every one of my jobs, and I still do to this day. I love each and every one of my jobs. I'm having the time of my life. I am spending money in the correct way, I am saving money, I am doing things the way that I'm supposed to and I'm feeling very excited because, guess what, I'm making the most money that I've ever made in my life. And hey, now is the time to get my own apartment right. So let me go back. Let me go back to that apartment that I really, really wanted. And she looks at it and she says, hmm, you're making more money than the last time, but I got to tell you still not enough.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 11:49

And in that moment, my dear passengers, I was like God, I don't care what you say, I'm not getting a fourth job, there is no way. And God just said leave it, let that place go. That's not it. That's not the place for you, and I wanted to fight with God because I was like no, God, this place is so pretty, though. Look, it got a pool, it has a gym, it has really, really nice apartment complexes for people that are just one bedroom, one apartment. Just wait, be patient.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 12:27

So here I am, still doing three jobs, still saving my money, not really having anywhere to go other than back to my mom's oh and, by the way, my job is an hour away from my mom. Every one of my jobs, every one of my jobs, every single one of my jobs, is an hour away from my mom's. So I was driving two hours every day, minimum, and I was tired, I'm telling you, by the time I got home, all I wanted was my bed, all I wanted was to rest, and I was like God, this can't be the life, this can't be the life. He was like just stay in there, just keep doing what you're supposed to be doing. I was like all right, but whatever, I'm going to do what you want me to do then, and so I kept going.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 13:16

And then one day, I was serving, which is one of the jobs that I have, and I get this table of Puerto Rican people and my boss. She saw me interacting with them and she was like, oh, are they your friends? And I'm like, no, I just met them tonight and I'm talking to one of them and again, like we're really vibing, we're really getting along with each other, and she was like we should hang out sometime. And I'm like, oh, I wish I could. And she said well, what things do you like to do? I'm like, well, I used to like to go out, I used to like to do all of this stuff, but, like recently, I don't do anything because while having three jobs I really don't have any time for myself. And she goes hold, hold up, you got how many jobs? And I was like I got three jobs. And she's like are you good? And I'm like, yeah, I'm good.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 13:52

I'm just I'm trying to find an apartment in this area and it's kind of hard because they expect you to make three times the rent and my jobs are not enough for that. She goes, hmm, have you tried my apartment complex? And I'm like what are you talking about? She's like, yeah, there's an apartment complex and they have what I think is called income. I forgot what it's called, but it's like income regulated, I guess, is what it's called and I was like, no, I have no idea what you're talking about. And she's like go try my apartments, you'll see. Go try my apartments. And I'm like, okay, I'll go try your apartments.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 14:26

I come in the lady's looking at everything that I have brought her. I brought her all my paychecks and everything. And I was like, okay, I need to make three times the rent. I don't know how much rent is here, but I need to make three times the rent. Three times the rent. She looks I brought her and she looks at me. She goes I think you're making more money than what you're supposed to. And I'm like how is that possible? I have three jobs and you need me to make three times the rent. And she's like no, not here. Here, we need you to make two times the rent. And I'm like, oh, okay. And she's like, yeah, let's just fill out that application and see what happens. And when I tell you, my dear passengers, I filled out the application today and not even a week later, I got the call saying that I had gotten the apartment. Not even a week later I got the call saying congratulations, you've gotten the apartment, my dear passenger.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 15:27

That day will forever be ingrained in my brain because that day was like a full of emotions. I was sad, I was happy. I was sad because I was grieving all of the time that I had thought I had wasted, all of the time that I had focused and I had worked on myself that I thought I had wasted. I was crying because I was happy. I mean, look at all this time that I spent working towards it and now I achieved it right. I was also crying because I was scared. This is the first time that I'm going to be living alone.

Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco: 16:03

Like, what if I fail? What if I don't make enough money? What if I suddenly, after learning how to save money and how to do better with money, forget and become like super irresponsible? And I was like, okay, well, that's not real fear, that's just like your mind playing games with you. I was feeling all the emotions, but the emotion that I felt the most was pride. I was so proud of myself. I was so proud of myself for how far I had come in just a short amount of time I'm talking about six months of a mentality switch but, technically, four months of working, four months of working my ass off to pay off for that goal that I had given myself. Like, how powerful is it that it can take you less than a year to make life changes in your life? Each one of the jobs that I had prepared me with money, prepared me with patience, prepared me with dedication and prepared me with motivation to get to the point that I am today. Each one of my jobs allowed me to save up the money that I would need in order to move into my